RESILIENCE

Life itself is exhausting especially to those who have experienced an odd amount of adversity and feel like they are cursed by the universe every moment they breath. A trait typical of those you find in the rooms of AA and other 12 step programs - people who are broken from life dealing them bad cards and dream of more than drinking or drugging the pain away with every second of life and choose to be better can be considered resilient. The capability to withstand, adapt, and recover from adversity or other life challenges involves the capability to remain functional in times of extreme stress, which is something those who in walk those rooms maintain as they go through their journey in emotional sobriety. It is the ability to not let go of the vision of it all: inner peace and doing the next right thing. Peace is earned and requires critical thinking skills and radical acceptance of a situation. The individual must be able to absorb shock, manage the risk, and sustain functions and structure despite the disturbances at play in real time. It takes a true psycho to be resilient lol especially for a sustained amount of time after getting out of the Hell pit. You have to be delusional enough to hold onto desiring life despite anything that is happening around you - the concept that you must keep going forward.

This blog post will review everything I wanna cover on this topic of resilience in the order I want. First we will be discussing some (not ALL) myths around this character trait since it is a word that is bounced around a lot. Resilience is NOT the same as endurance and perseverance. They are merely aspects - it is mostly about being flexible in agile environments and learning from experiences versus just enduring hard times and repeating harmful ‘safe’ cycles. With that being said, resilience does NOT eliminate the need for help or intervention. Resilient people are people and people have feelings. Everyone needs help and it is a sign of strength to recognize when it is time to take steps to get external help. Resilience does NOT mean going it alone and ‘toughing it out’ on your own. We are not created to face an adverse life in pure isolation - connections are crucial when putting this into practice. Having social support networks as the rooms of AA provide brings emotional assistance, practical help, and an overall sense of belonging. A sense of safety amongst the chaos. Resilient folks do not appear to ‘need’ the help so their emotional needs are typically overlooked and are expected to just ‘get over’ things. Having a supportive environment, positive role models, as well as the desire accept therapeutic interventions can be contributing factors to developing this trait.

Those who appear to carry insane situations with ease have what they call mindset and cognitive flexibility. This lays down the foundation for how individuals perceive, interpret, and respond to situations. These test the flexibility and endurance of the spirit. They say God does not give us a challenge we do not have the strength within to overcome. As that guy said in Oz- The Blizzard of ‘01 Season 4 Episode 13: “I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom and another trap door opens and I plunge further into despair. God only gives us as much suffering as we can endure. You mean He piles on the shit to see if we’ll break? Why? To test our faith and make us appreciate the good that we do have. Well, forgive me for saying so, Reverend, but God is a sick fuck.”… and I agree. However, after every shit ass situation in my life, there has always been a blessing so as much of a sick fuck God is, it always turns in my favor at the end and the gratitude flows in. There is always a blessing within the lesson. Growth mindset was coined by Carol Dweck, a psychologist, who defines it as a belief that capabilities and intelligence are developed through learning, effort, and persistence. I would add patience in that because it is not sunshine and rainbows when mastering the pause, especially with those who suffer from suicidal ideations, which those with a fixed mindset wouldn’t understand. To overcome obstacles, one must view it as an opportunity to grow in order to maintain that internal serenity in diverse situations. Growth brings optimism, which brings synergy with cognitive flexibility; meaning, the development of effective coping strategies such as problem-solving, unbias comprehension of differing viewpoints, reframing experiences, emotional management, and mindfulness. These are all empowering traits which facilitate self love and self prioritization. It is de-centering the issue at hand and cutting it down to manageable pieces that can be solved and by the time you know it, the issue is gone.

Resilient people do not walk around acting crazy (typically - ofc we ALL have our moments of weakness and human emotion no matter the range is healthy to let yourself feel), since in order to build the trait requires a consistent desire to use stress management techniques, setting goals and acting on it, learning from failure, and developing a positive mindset. Like I was suggesting earlier, I feel like it takes a degree of walking around in delusion to survive some outrageous situations which bring out that animal in you, especially when dealing with the psychologically criminal aka those who lack any moral value or conscious - the wild cards. You must be bold enough to act, something not everyone is built to do, which is ok, because it is something that can be developed as I have stated. Things like daily journaling, practicing gratitude at the putrid, and visualizing positive outcomes and fully believe in those (NON-delusional) visions. One where the universe works in your favor just simply out of unconditional love - a fucked up, imperfect, but unconditional Universal love and it always comes in a more beautiful package than expected.

We are 4 dimensional beings perceiving in the 3 dimensions. There are forces at play beyond our ability to comprehend much less sense and we must release ourselves to the purpose that we are here for spiritual growth to whatever degree - each journey is our own to understand. Resilience is about going with the flow of the higher power at play and doing the next right action and pause and consult others if we are not sure. Community exists for a reason and circling in the idea that we our powerless over everything except to how we react to a situation will bring true Universal Guidance. Notice when things go awry when you try to ‘play God’? Sometimes the Universe has some sick, subtle ways to get us back on track to what we were put to do here and we have the choice everyday to decide to listen to it or not. For some of us, if we ignore that Divine calling, that voice gets energetically LOUDER via gradually more insane situations we are being presented with till we listen. It helps to look for commonality if there are string of ‘unfortunately timed events’ occurring. “Clearly I didn’t learn the lesson I had in front of me which is why it is repeating”. Sometimes I try to intentionally choose to ignore my nastier sides, which leads to that side screaming for more attention and subconscious ticks forming. Growth means to consistently expand my aura even on days where I want to give into the darkness nagging at me. It is choosing the next right action for your survival even if you are scared. That boldness to choose more and not settle for anything below your standard of living. Sometimes that calls to host a secret psychological war with someone if it is a situation you cannot leave to remain 10 steps ahead, or, ideally, fully removing yourself out of self preservation if you are in the situation to. That is how dreams are accomplished, even the far out ones, it is the desire and taking action toward your goal in every step and getting it out of the ‘ether’ and putting it in the 3D. My brother has said it before to me: The man who jumps out in front of a car to save their child did not make that decision hastily that day. He chose those actions everyday that led to that so it was natural to his Being to help his offspring even if it meant sacrificing himself since he is just that type of guy. I will not compromise myself to make others comfortable because I deserve to take up space and keep my self respect in tact. When you have fought battles and surpassed things you believe could have killed you, resilience is engrained in the system. I like to think that the nicest individuals are the ones who have suffered enough and got to the other side to understand the impact of their actions versus allowing the suffering to hold them down. That is a major trait I look for in friendships. There is a humble aspect to someone who has come out on the other side of learning hard lessons in life, especially with those who had to make tough choices in early life. Accepting that things like resilience is a journey and not a destination is a key aspect of taking that first step toward overcoming adversity. I believe the 12 steps is helpful toward recovery from existing since being on this rock is traumatizing within itself, even if substances aren’t at play. The substances are merely a side effect of an spiritual sickness.

Resilience is a multifaceted character trait which brings empowerment to individuals and communities to emerge stronger. This perseverance that is developed facilitates self preservation versus having the ‘fuck its’ which fixed mindsets bring. Cognitive flexibility shapes our creativity in regards to overcoming obstacles. The goal of this trait is not learning to avoid difficulties, but to learn how to expand your capacity to manage adversities. Even if you do not currently embody resilient traits, it is in anyone’s reach. The first step is to accept your life is currently unmanageable as is and creating the honest intention be the ideal version of yourself. Sometimes that requires the desire to get yourself out of that Hell pit you created for yourself. This practice gives us the capability to go with the flow and remain present, however that looks like.